All I See is You
by Snuffles'seviloverlord
Summary: hi, I'm renaming this and listing it as completed, as i'm never going to have time to actually finish it. BA fluff
1. The Picture Worth A Thousand Words

_All I See Is You_

_CH. 1 The Picture Worth a Thousand Words _

Everyone was packing. Tensions were still a bit high because Buffy had just gotten back with the scythe and had been completely right about every thing. It also may have had something to do with the fast approaching apocalypse courtesy of the First. Buffy and the others were still researching the scythe, and figured the battle would come pretty soon. Since the town was completely empty, the potentials could take whatever they wanted, and had acquired a few new belongings. Giles suggested that the girls pack up what was most important, incase they needed to make a quick getaway. Buffy was doing the same.

She was in her bedroom sorting through things with Xander and Dawn, but her mind was elsewhere. He hadn't come. The night before, when she had sat alone on a stranger's bed, she thought maybe, just maybe, he would have heard about all that they were going through and come back to Sunnydale. He hadn't. It was the first time, really, that he had not been there. Oh, sure he had left initially, but when she really needed someone, just to be comforted and loved and protected, Angel always showed. When Joyce had died, when Buffy had been ripped from heaven, they had seen each other, if only briefly.

Spike had been around, too. Buffy hadn't realized it but he was. That's why Buffy had finally let herself love his company last night. She wanted Angel to be there, to console her, but he couldn't. So she let Spike. She knew she had used him, and she hadn't seen him or spoken to him since the night before. And like in another sense, Spike was convenient were Angel could never be…

"_Hey Buff!"_

"What?..…Sorry." Buffy snapped out of her reverie.

"Took ya long enough. Xander only called your name three times." Dawn joked.

"My bad. What were you saying, Xand?"

"Just that I found some old boxes."

In an attempt to clean, Xander had been going through the closet. Inside were half a dozen cardboard boxes, carefully labeled and stacked.

"Oh, yeah, those were from a few summers ago. Since Buffy was spazing out about college, she organized and boxed all the old stuff she wasn't taking with." Dawn supplied.

_College wasn't the only thing I was spazing about._ Buffy thought to herself.

It had been right after Angel had left and she had wanted a tedious project to take her mind off of him.The Three of them unstacked the boxes and started looking through them. Inside were old toys and clothes, nothing of interest. Buffy saw one larger box that she remembered pushing deep into the back of her closet. She reached for it before the others could see. Buffy was unsure if she wanted to look at the contents; she knew she might be in a universe of pain if she did. Instead she examined the outside of the box. She had written a capital 'A' in permanent marker in one corner. Buffy had wanted to keep it nondescript, incase anyone was looking at it. Only she knew what it symbolized, a secret she had used in her diary since she was sixteen. But she wasn't sixteen anymore; she was a strong, independent woman. She was not afraid of her past, or reminders of it. Buffy took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. Than she opened the box.

(0O0) 

Inside were all the old things that reminded her of him. Buffy's old white prom dress, neatly and carefully placed in a garment bag; a big comfy leather jacket he gave her. Buffy lifted it to her face and inhaled. After all the years, it still smelled like Angel. The pleasant smell she remembered all to well. She set the coat down gently. Among numerous others were the big silver cross necklace, the small tattered leather bound book of sonnets. Towards the bottom were a few scattered photos and the ring she had gone back for. She wistfully recalled taking it off the carpet at the mansion after finding that he had somehow come back. Even if Angel hadn't this time, she liked the memory.

The Slayer reached down and grabbed a picture at random. She was looking down at a photo Willow had taken at the Bronze during junior year. Buffy was looking at the camera and Angel was looking at Buffy. She seemed relaxed and wasn't wearing a fake I'm-getting-my-picture-taken smile. Buffy's smile was genuine, easy and content. It was the sort of smile that showed that, if only for the fleeting second, she was completely pleased with her life. As Spike had put it once, Buffy glowed. Angel was just above her in the shot. Not quite in profile, his face was turned in Buffy's direction. Willow was quite a good photographer; for once Angel wasn't in shadow. And whether of his free will or not, all of his face was illuminated by a lamp just out side the photo's frame. Both of his dark brown eyes were twinkling at his girlfriend and Angel was smiling his rare, happy smile that was just for her. The picture was blatant proof of a long gone time and place were the two of them were completely in love and felt like the only two living beings in the world. Buffy dropped it back into the depths of the cardboard box.

She watched it flutter gently to the bottom with a feeling of fleetingly mournful regret. But than a new sensation came over the slayer; she some how felt empowered. More so even than she felt after snuggling the night before. She was confident that they would win. Buffy somehow knew it. Because even if Angel wasn't at the hellmouth yet, she could feel him-Always.


	2. Expectations

_Expectations _

She had accepted it-_He isn't coming. It's ok really, Angel will always be with me,_ she thought. It sounded even more fake when she looked up and saw a tall, pale, annoyingly handsome man standing over her; looking for all the world exactly like he did that day she met him, over half a dozen years ago.

He reached down to her. She just stared, eyes popping, mouth wide open at him. She tried to breathe, to shake that indescribable feeling of relentless shock and wonderful surprise. After hoping and giving up, and repeating the process a hundred times, she still couldn't believe it. Like with all big questions and things left for someone else to decide, you sike yourself out for disappointment, with a tight sore knot in your stomach. Of course, one tiny corner of her mind kept going _I told you so_,_ I told you so_ and had never doubted. Angel helped her up and they made light conversation.

They talked casually but Buffy still need to kill the stupid preacher. Angel commented that he had missed watching her work and even added a "you are_ so_ gonna lose" to Caleb. After he was out of the way, Angel stepped forward. Without thinking, Buffy stepped up and kissed him. It was simply a reflex. He had come, he would help her, and they would be together. But then a thousand more thoughts and questions flew into her head. _Is he going to be in the battle? I can't risk losing Angel, not after everything. It's too dangerous. What about Spike-I defiantly should not tell him about this._ The last of which was: _Should I have just done that?_

The latter was elaborated upon when Angel said "Guess that qualifies as happy to see me." In a half shocked half satisfied voice. Just then Buffy realized something. She wanted Angel in her life permanently. That's when she told him to leave. Buffy wasn't ready. Not to try it again, not work out their lives together. She had to get threw being the Slayer. Buffy had to grow up and lead the troops and when most of the crazies were out of her life, she wanted to spend what was left of it with him.

_But how do you explain that to someone?_ Buffy wondered._ You can't casually broach the subject._

In desperation, Buffy returned to what she knew in search of an adequate comparison. So she talked about cookies.

(0O0)

They weren't what he expected. Angel came in the night. He wished he could have come sooner, but after the depleting battle in LA, he had a lot of work to do. Illyria had gone back to her plane of existence, the time and place in which she ruled. With the exception of the blue goddess, Angel was the only one who survived the battle. Needless to say, there was a lot of cleaning up to do. With Wolfram & Heart out, the void for power was struggling to be filled, but Angel had put things strait as best as he could. He looked and felt different, more like he had when Buffy had been with him. That was no doubt from the excitement he always experienced when he was about to see her. The former could also be easily explained. After the rich corporate life, he had gone with fewer resources. And let him self go ever so slightly. It, of course, became him. He was thinner, and his hair had lapsed back in to the pointed chaos it had once been. And now, nearly three years after his last trip to Sunnydale, Angel had come to find his girl.

It was late when he arrived. He found her in Scotland of all places, where she was the head of the new international Slayer group. The slayers on the night patrol allowed him inside after a few awkward explanations, and he wandered around for a while, then found her room. Angel wondered if Buffy missed him. It crossed his mind to tell her about Spike's death, but than he remembered that Buffy still thought he was dead from closing the Hell Mouth. Angel took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. It creaked slightly and he peered in. It was completely dark, but with his enhanced vampire sight, he could make out the bed and the figure in it.There she was, asleep. Angel had always loved how she looked asleep, so serene and at peace. But than Angel noticed some one sleeping next to Buffy.


	3. Closure

Ch. 4-Closure

_He was there, no matter what._ Buffy thought_ he had helped me through so much and I will genuinely miss not having him around. Wasn't that love? Of some kind, on some level? And it was the only thing he ever wanted from me. Just love._

Buffy said it. The three words she had sworn again and again that she would never say to William the Bloody. Spike knew her better than to think she was telling the complete truth. But he thanked her anyway. _It is there. My soul. The bright beam of light might indicate I'm going somewhere alright after all this. I hope so; Buffy sure made the place sound great. Buffy. She said that she was there with me. But she's not all the way. It doesn't have to mean anything, but it would have if I should have been her man. And I can't decide if it's a good feeling- the warm yellow glow, the almost love, the humanity and my soul. _Buffy's hand was still gently in his, but as the flame picked up, she pulled away. She would let him die. For her and to stop the apocalypse, but Spike could not find the emotions to hate her for it. He still felt his soul-it was starting to hurt. Buffy's eyes filled with tears, and he realized that he'd still have the tiniest corner of her heart. Spike watched her run, and saw how it ended.

Fire-all around and inside him. Then just black- all consuming, and ominous. The flames still tore away at his body and he laughed slightly, because he still had an Alice Cooper song in his head. Maybe he wouldn't go up, but he could deal with pain-Spike had several life times of practice. And the memories Buffy and Dawn and all the rest he had cared for. And old music, to get him through. Spike tried to pick a different song to think about. He shuffled through the index in his head, letting a few lyrics play in his mind at a time.

_**When I live my dream, I'll forgive the things you've told me  
And the empty man you left behind  
It's a broken heart that dreams, it's a broken heart you left me  
Only love can live in my dream**_

_Much too familiar to the situation,_ he thought. _Next?_

_**Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend  
Which came as some surprise I spoke into his eyes  
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago  
Oh no, not me  
I never lost control  
You're face to face  
With the man who sold the world  
I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home  
I searched for form and land, for years and years I roamed  
I gazed a gazeless stare at all the millions here  
We must have died along, a long long time ago**_

Spike tried to find some song in his mind that did not pertain to the circumstances, or what he had wished the condition could have been.

_**New york city, n.y.c, pretty mean when it wants to be  
Black leather, knee-hole pants**_

_A little too much of a reminder of the last Slayer I killed, catchy tune though._

_**Fuzz tone, hear 'em go, hear 'em on the radio,  
Misfits twilight zone,  
R-a-m-o-n-e-s, r-a-m-o-n-e-s ramones,  
Bad boy rock, bad boy roll, gabba gabba see them go,  
**_

He went through all of the Ramons songs he knew and still found himself in a dark hot pit. Spike thought back to his favorite band, and a time when he hated Buffy.

_**And now, the end is near  
And so I face the final curtain**_

_Maybe this death stuff wouldn't be so bad,_ Spike thought as he belted out the rest of the chorus.

_**I´ll state my case, of which I'm certain  
I´ve lived a life that's full  
And each and every highway  
And yet, much more than this  
I did it my way**_

A/N: I know I promised, but I gotta site this stuff- first two songs by the incredible awe inspiring David Bowie, next by the Ramones (obviously) and last is "My Way" by the Sex Pistols, considered Spike's favorite band. It was mentioned in a season 5 episode of Angel, and in season 3 of Buffy, episode "Lover's Walk", he actually sang the song. And I checked reviews. I love you all! 'specially flyersfan3588. Thank you all so so so much : )


	4. Day Before

Ch. 6-Day Before

Buffy woke up alone, as usual. She got up and began an ordinary day. She had breakfast in the huge cafeteria, at the front table with the other level fives. After leaving the remnants of the Hellmouth and starting up the International Confederation of Vampire Slayers, Buffy ran head quarters. Although everyone had spent time and laughs giving themselves prestigious sounding titles, Buffy couldn't come up with one, and some how kept being referred to as "the original". Since she had been a slayer the longest, and at times the only slayer, the name suited. She was still the unquestioned leader, and the younger girls said the words with reverence, Buffy was the hope, the pinnacle, the ultimate evil destroyer. She never felt inclined to argue with it.

Though she had looked forward to a normal life, Buffy was still a workaholic, though no longer on the front lines. She oversaw everything, settled disputes, and was the figure head of the organization. Everyone had a job to do. Giles was head of the research branch; Faith helped Buffy oversee basic training. Willow oversaw all magic related endeavors, including the witches, the spell books and everyone's horoscopes, or at least that's what she jokingly had but on the plaque in her office. Xander ran daycare. With only one working eye, a complete lack of any coordination or super power, it really was the only option left to him. A lot of slayers had families that they took with them, not wanting to abandon their kids. There was a large staff, but Xander took a special interest. It worked out well because Buffy was so over protective that she trusted very few other people with her daughter, although there was the slight fear of an ice cream man repeat. Dawn was leader of the squad finding the new slayers. Since new slayers were being activated around the world everyday, the former key had plenty to do. She was good at helping people coupe with the major change, and got basic info on everyone who wanted to join. Dawn really liked her job because she got to take lots of pictures of everyone, both for the data base keeping tabs on all the slayers and their progress, and for the photo ids that were necessary to gain entrance into the more dangerous secret operations of the new reform. The huge training camp, and basic operations sight was all situated in the huge castle they had bought through a local slayer with connections. Everyone there was divided on levels according to skill, level five being the Scooby gang and the survivors of the final battle, right down to frightened looking level ones- the new recruits.

Buffy got to see her little girl every day for hours, when ever there was a lull at work, they had time. She was surprised at how fond she was of being a mother. Although still in her early twenties, it was an undisputed fact that Buffy knew how to take care of and protect people. This was new though, a type of wonder she didn't know well- Buffy wasn't used to this sort of happiness. Yet she somehow felt that there was something missing (or more accurately someone). Buffy still felt a hole from the absence of her child's father. Everyone privately wondered who it was, but Buffy never wanted to discuss him, or his reasons for not being here now. So the slayers built theories in private, and everyone agreed that the little sweetheart was perfect. She had her mother's bubbly enthusiasm and oddly shaped little nose. Everyone there thought she looked just like Buffy, save Buffy herself and her close friends who could vividly see the girl's resemblance to her father. It worried Giles in the beginning that Buffy had not contacted the father right after she was born, but he was stuck in LA, and the old watcher knew better than to interfere with his slayer's love life, so he kept quite, and grew as affectionate of the girl as everyone else. Dawn cherished her niece, after initially getting over the fact that she wasn't the overprotected little Summers girl anymore. Buffy still thought about the ensouled vamp all the time. She tried not to care but it persisted. Who needs men, anyway? She knew from experience a girl can grow up just fine without her dad. Buffy's day progressed as it usually did, handling this and that, and teaching the girls.

Buffy had only been asleep for an hour or so when the little girl came tearing into her mother's room. She said she had had a bad dream, and Buffy moved over so that there would be room for both of them. As Buffy comforted her, and the two year old told the Slayer about the dream, they both drifted off to sleep. Some were in between consciousness, and dream, she felt a loving, comfortingly familiar presence in the room. Smiling slightly, Buffy drifted further off into a peaceful sleep.

A/N: you'll notice that I never actually mentioned the kid's name. I have a very good reason for that…I couldn't think of one. I didn't want to pull a JKR and use a good pairing that a lot of fans have rooted for for years and end up giving their kid a stupid name… like, oh I dunno…Hugo. Sorry, I divulge. But if ya have an idea for a good name for the girl, send me a review, I'm open to suggestions, and if I like it I might use it in the story. You don't actually have to comment on the story if you don't want to; just put the name you want. I'm looking for something interesting, but pretty sounding. Oh, and now I will afford you lot some explanation as to why my chapters are always crazy short. The culprit: margins. I type my stuff on Word, and it winds up being 2or 3 pages single spaced, and I'm like 'cool it appears long and impressive', but this site's margins are different so my chapters appear skimpy. I just wanted to give some clarification because I love you and the fact that people actually read stuff _I _write. And again thanks to my nine favorite people in the world for the warm fuzzy replies I've already gotten, they totally make my day. You know the drill, hit the little bluish-purple button below to make me infinitely happy.


	5. How They Always Wished It Would End

A/N: Thanks so much for all of your suggestions, they were really helpful and creative. I found a really great name while watching season three episode "Choices"-extra brownie points if you come up with it before it shows in this chapter. Also this one has a bit of a sketcher rating because of a teeny little bit of implied…um… well, just how the kid got here -wink-. I don't get into crazy detail, that's not how I roll, so you will not be scarred for life or anything. And if you _do_ find my brief flashback all that offensive, well, what are ya doing on a fanfic site, there is ssooooo much worse out there. Anyway, here's the last chapter

Chapter 7-Paternity Case

Someone lay next to Buffy, both of them asleep. A small someone, with the same contented smile on her face. Angel could see that the little girl was roughly two years old and looked exactly like Buffy. The same dainty petite frame and bone structure. She was a small little girl, with smooth velvety skin, who had her arms wrapped tightly around her mother's shoulders. Her hair was long and of a light brown-blonde honey color, a little darker than the shade Buffy's had been before the Master had killed her. That seemed an eternity ago to Angel, but he still recalled exactly what she looked like, every detail of her appearance that year when they had first fallen in love. Buffy and her daughter looked so happy laying there. Angel thought back to when Connor was young and he had loved him so. Angel remembered wishing over and over that Buffy could have been the mother…but this little one? Angel did not know what to think. Whose child was it? Angel thought back to two years ago, before he had worked for Wolfram and Hart, before Spike had closed the Hellmouth. Oh God!!! What if Spike had been the father?!??!!? The thought went through him like a scorching dagger. Angel knew they had slept together for awhile, and he knew from experience that vampires _could_ have children. But not Spike, that had been a bizarre exception. Buffy couldn't possibly. The intruder stared at his shoes. He should not have come back. She obviously did not miss him. What had he been thinking? Buffy had a whole new life here. He should just leave now. He…

Angel thoughts were interrupted by a light sound. He looked up to see the little girl opening her eyes. Angel smiled. For the first time in he couldn't remember how long, Angel smiled. A bright radiant smile that lit up his whole face. Her eyes were a deep dark brown color. They seemed penetrating, and over bright as if their owner was always crying. But she wasn't. She returned his smile. It made them look so similar, their broad lips formed exactly the same expression. Angel and his daughter sat in silence for a moment, fascinated with each other.

_Flash Back-Sunnydale, 2003_

"I'll go start working on the second front, make sure I don't have to use it."

He turned to go. She said his name. He turned again. Buffy admitted that she did think about the future much more than he could know, but that it would take some time.

"I ain't getting any older" Angel turned again, but this time Buffy caught up with him.

"Your lying."

"What?"

"I know that look. Your little smirk, and the one eyebrow raise thing. Your not telling the truth."

"Well maybe I am getting older for a little while." Angel shouted back, frustrated now. "Maybe when I had to sell myself to a corporation to get that necklace, among other things, I also demanded one day of not getting older, of humanity. A little bit of sunshine. Unfortunately I spent most of it getting here and I only have a few hours left."

"You did that for me?"

"Of course." he did not mention that the alternative was getting Cordelia out of her coma. Angel didn't say that he'd took a day of happiness with Buffy over the health and safety of a woman he'd had slight feelings for once. Angel didn't care because he remembered another blissful day in the distant past, when he and Buffy had been human together in L.A. Cordy was his friend, not his love. He had always been indecisive with her, and most of all, she was never Buffy. He could never feel that way about anyone else.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Buffy asked.

"It didn't come up, what with you slicing that guy in half and all." He said with a smile, reaching down to stoke her face.

She closed her eyes "That's the reason" she whispered.

"The reason for what?"

"The reason I can't truly love anyone but you. With riley and spike, tiny parts reminded me of you, and that's why I was with them. But I never could be completely not he way I've always been entwined with you, Angel."

"I know the feeling" he said, and Buffy was reminded of another time he had said the same thing in this very cemetery. "Its that same for me. I could never imaging happiness with anyone but you."

"Speaking of happiness, do you think the curse still applies?" Buffy asked with a sly grin.

"You know I really doubt it." Angel played along, with an equally wicked smile

"Well, I'm just not sure, I think we should test it."

With that they fell on each other, then down to the lush ground of the cemetery. Two human beings, joint souls, giving into their love for the first time in too many years.

_End of Flash Back_

After a moment the child looked puzzled and squinted at Angel. Then she turned back to her mother's sleeping form and yelled

"Mommy, mommy, wake up the, the man from the photo is here!"

It was just then that Angel noticed the framed picture on the night stand. It was one Willow had taken junior year at the Bronze, one that Buffy had packed up in a cardboard box. Buffy stirred and sat up. Her hair was an elegant mess (not unlike his own) and the over sized tee shirt she wore revealed part of a silver chain, glimmering at her collarbone. In mute disbelief, Buffy stared at Angel. She didn't expect to find him here; she thought she had been dreaming. I hadn't been the first time she dreamed of him. They both had a thousand questions to ask, but neither could find words. Their daughter, somewhat drowsily looked from one to the other, waiting. At last Angel decided on what to ask.

"What's her name" he whispered in awe. He couldn't digest the facts, he was still unconvinced that he could be so blessed after so much. He couldn't bring himself to phrase it "What's our daughter's name?" that would be too much for them both. None the less, Buffy knew exactly what he meant.

"Arlene." she replied

Angel slowly repeated the name. At first it sounded odd, but the more he thought about it the prettier and more familiar it seemed. He looked at the little girl. It seemed to suit her.

Buffy had opted to name her daughter after her aunt and godmother who lived in Illinois. She had also Googled it and found the following:

_**The girl's name Arlene is pronounced ar-LEEN. Modern coinage of unclear origin. Possibly feminine form of Arlen, from Irish Gaelic meaning "pledge" or "promise".**_

This seemed appropriate, given that the Girl in Question's Girl in Question was half Irish.

"Sweetie, why don't you go back to sleep in your room?"

"But I wanna stay and meet him." Arlene replied, pointing to Angel.

"Don't worry, you will. We have plenty of time-" Angel looked back at Buffy to finish his sentence

"I'm not going anywhere."

_The End_


End file.
